Another Round of Fun with Comment Spam

It’s been a while since I last chuckled over funny comment spam. I gave up even looking at spam unless someone emails me about a missing comment. Then I will check spam to see if that’s where it landed. Today I was searching for a comment and came across more laugh-inducing spam comments.

<Note: The comments in brackets are mine.>

We know spammers don’t read the posts, but really … the following comments certainly have nothing to do with thanks to commenters, which is where all of them were posted:

• Nearly all of what you mention happens to be supprisingly legitimate and that makes me wonder why I had not looked at this in this light previously. This piece really did turn the light on for me as far as this subject goes. Nevertheless there is actually one factor I am not too comfy with and while I attempt to reconcile that with the main idea of your position, let me observe just what all the rest of your subscribers have to point out.Nicely done.
• Hello intelligent points.. now why didn’t I think of these?
• Hi there, I found your blog via Google while looking for a related topic, your website came up, it looks great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
• I discovered your blog web site on google and test just a few of your early posts. Proceed to maintain up the excellent operate. I just extra up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. In search of ahead to studying extra from you later on!…
• Thank you, I have recently been searching for info about this topic for ages and yours is the best I have discovered so far. But, what about the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?
• I do like the manner in which you have framed this particular challenge and it does indeed provide me a lot of fodder for thought. However, from what I have seen, I just wish as the opinions pile on that people today keep on point and in no way embark upon a soap box regarding the news du jour. Anyway, thank you for this excellent point and even though I do not really agree with this in totality, I value the viewpoint.
• I have a high standard I abide by for choosing reading material, especially online. Your article met my standards then flew right by them. You’ve written a great article with loads of great informational content.
• Superb write-up, I’ve bookmarked this internet site so ideally I’ll discover a lot more on this topic in the future!
• I can’t agree more.
• I needed to write you the tiny observation in order to thank you the moment again for your pleasant techniques you have shown above. It is really strangely generous with people like you to grant publicly all that many of us would have advertised for an e-book to help with making some bucks on their own, most notably seeing that you could possibly have done it if you ever wanted. These points as well served like the great way to fully grasp that other people have the identical keenness just as my personal own to figure out a whole lot more with respect to this matter. I think there are lots of more fun sessions ahead for people who start reading your blog post.
• You actually make it appear really easy together with your presentation but I in finding this matter to be actually something which I think I might by no means understand. It seems too complex and extremely wide for me. I am taking a look ahead to your subsequent submit, I will attempt to get the hang of it!

What would my husband think of all these endearments?

• Special someone, this excellent website is usually fabolous, we think its great
• Significant other, this excellent website is undoubtedly fabolous, i just enjoy it
• Significant other, this fabulous website is certainly fabolous, i just now adore it
• Lover, this fabulous website is certainly fabolous, i think its great
• Significant other, this url is undoubtedly fabolous, i fantastic
• Mate, impartial is definitely fabolous, i merely love it

When in doubt, choose a nonsensical comment and see how many times you can spin it by changing individual words:

• How much of an useful guide, have creating spouse
• How much of an significant write-up, hold composing companion
• How much of an exciting guide, continue publishing significant other
• What an significant write-up, retain posting spouse
• How much of an helpful write-up, keep on posting sweetheart
• How much of an unique report, keep on posting friend
• How much of an appealing report, continue producing special someone

Or this:

• hi, your websites are really special. I really do appreciate your function
• hey there, your website is discount. I do many thanks for function
• hey there, your website is cheap. I truly do thank you for do the job
• hey there, your site is really special. I truly do many thanks for get the job done

Or this:

• This web site is really a stroll-by means of for all of the information you wished about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and also you’ll positively discover it.
• This web page is really a walk-by way of for the entire data you wanted about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and you’ll positively discover it.

Sometimes, you just have to say, “Huh? What is the heck is this supposed to mean?”

• I pilfer amusement in seeing sites that fulfil the advantage of providing a prime resource for fully free.
• I also conceive so, perfectly pent post!
• Hi there I am wondering if I can usability this article on entire of my blogs if I element bankroll b reverse to you? Thanks!
• This specific article has seen a lot of the sights with the creator, the id, yet you may still find a few saying We nonetheless several various thoughts. Desire can as well as the author additional communication, additionally welcome pals and I talk to other thoughts.
• There are some fascinating time limits on this article however I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There may be some validity but I will take maintain opinion until I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as nicely
• It’s fitting to corrupt an essay far this good topic. Likeable article, very much valuable

OK, the words make sense, but what do they have to do with anything I wrote on my blog?

• I admire what you have done here. I love the part where you say you are doing this to give back but I would assume by all the comments that is working for you as well. Do you have any more info on this?
• Throughout the evening, people tell campfire stories, appreciate some excellent old property cooking and get involved in some fantastic activities. These are world tours, led by photographers known all over the world. <There was no advertising link, and this comment doesn’t appear to have anything to do with the commenter’s blog/site.>

Over-the-top praise that has nothing to do with anything:

• Can I just say what a reduction to search out somebody who actually knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You definitely know easy methods to convey an issue to gentle and make it important. Extra people need to read this and understand this aspect of the story. I cant imagine youre no more common since you positively have the gift.
• Hiya! I simply would like to give an enormous thumbs up for the nice data you might have here on this post. I can be coming back to your weblog for extra soon.
• Simply to follow up on the up-date of this subject matter on your web site and would want to let you know simply how much I treasured the time you took to put together this handy post. Within the post, you actually spoke on how to seriously handle this concern with all convenience. It would be my pleasure to collect some more ideas from your web page and come as much as offer some others what I discovered from you. Thank you for your usual terrific effort.
• I conceive this site holds very fantastic composed content articles

Making demands?

• I fancy reading this article. I demand to learn more on this topic.. Thank you for writing this great info.. Anyway, I am gonna subscribe to your rss and I impose upon you write huge articles again soon. Unqualifiedly utilitarian info.

Insult, back-handed compliment, or just plain garbage?

• The heart of your writing while sounding reasonable in the beginning, did not really work properly with me after some time. Somewhere within the sentences you actually were able to make me a believer but just for a very short while. I nevertheless have got a problem with your leaps in logic and one might do nicely to help fill in all those gaps. In the event you can accomplish that, I could surely end up being amazed.
• I have not checked in here for some time as I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my daily bloglist.
• I see an excellent improvement in your writing, I’d love to get in touch. Keep up the great work! Your writing is really inspirational for somebody who is new to this type of stuff.
• well, that’s good, i think you can do better.
• Just thought I’d drop you a note – I’m a avid follower but recently your site has had some obstructive formatting problems.
• Hi, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Chrome, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, awesome blog!
• I am outranking you in google. Want to know how? <followed by ad>
• I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as nobody else know such detailed about my problem. You’re incredible! Thanks! <Does he think his cousin writes my blog posts?>
• The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to learn, however I truly thought youd have something fascinating to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you could repair in case you werent too busy on the lookout for attention. <This was on a thanks to commenters post.>
• There may be noticeably a bundle to find out about this. I assume you made sure nice points in features also.
• This really answered my downside, thanks! <Not sure what his/her downside is, but it doesn’t sound good.>

photo credit: Liz Henry

Book Helpdesk

A little book/IT humor for National Book Month.

Spam Can Be Funny

When I posted some funny spam a while back, one of my commenters suggested I do it from time to time. I’m sure your spam is as entertaining as mine is, but not all bloggers make the effort to dig through the junk to find legitimate comments. Lately I have been inundated with spam from people, or rather from names—robots need names, too—and I have to read at least some of it to determine if it is a legitimate comment or spam. Some of them tickled my funny bone, so I thought I’d share—even though all these spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors pain me almost as much as the spam—so you can have a chuckle as well.

Do they think insulting me will get me to approve the comment?

Didn’t I read this EXACT SAME ARTICLE at another website yesterday? You know plagiarizing is a serious crime.

You really should change hosting companies. Your blog seems to be down about half the time I go there.

Go ***** yourself!!! I poured my heart out about my dog dying and you spam me. You are a lowlife that needs to crawl back into the hole you slitttered out from!!!!!!!

For what its worth, the layout is definitely amazing. You know how to balance writing and images/videos. However, I cant get over how little you actually bring to light here. I think that everyones said the same thing that youve said over and over again. Dont you think its time for something more?

Although I found this particular write-up quite fascinating, I couldn’t help but to ponder whether or not the figures you utilized are legitimate. That statement looks pretty unusual to me. Any thoughts whether it is genuinely genuine?

What does this have to do with creating fictional characters (the topic of the post commented on)?

terrible list, pal, I read loads of your stuff and this can be a first thing i’ve ever really really disagreed having. Many of the songs you missed are cross generational along with iconic. ones #10 and #7 shouldnt look on here period.

How are these comments relevant to a thank-you to commenters post?

I simply love it when site owners talk about different cooking skills. Great skills.

I wish you all good day, this site is really nice I would always follow this site. Help me a lot of timedata would be btained from this site, or hope to. But I want you to know that this site is really good Thanks a lot for the kind of perfect topic about this topic. It’s good to buy an essay about this good topic. Nice article, very helpful.

I don’t agree

I haped to find out your post by accident in Google. Where by did you got all the information from? I intend BELLY LAUGH,.you got shaking selective information for your article. I care it genuinely educational. Can’t wait for your future publishbest. More detail about <spam link>.

Great article! I just saw these at Target the other day and was impressed. Your review answered the questions I had about the seats – now I just need to scrape together the cash! Ouch!

Thanks so much for this intelligent post;this is the words that keeps me awake through the day. I have been looking around for this site after asked to visit them from a buddy and was thrilled when I was able to find it after searching for long time. Being a demanding blogger, I’m hopeful to see others taking initivative and contributing to the community. Just wanted to comment to show my appreciation for your post as it is very challenging to do, and many bloggers do not get admiration they deserve. I am sure I’ll be back and will spread the word to my friends.

Nice posting on real estate interest rates. They are changing so quickly that buyers and sellers are not sure about WHEN to act on the market. That is what we are seeing in the Dallas market as well, specifically in the Plano real estate market where we are.

How can the post cover it while needing more content?

interesting post, pretty much covered it all for me although would of added more content.

How can you leave a comment on a post that isn’t there?

This postis not actually showing up for me, I tried to web mail you. Could you get back to me about this.

Doesn’t every blogger want to be addressed by the wrong name?

Awesome post sally, it’s been a long-time since I’ve been on here. I see that nobody has lost their passion. Good to be back.

Is asking and answering your own nonsensical question supposed to be relevant?

The source seems to be down, does anyone have a backup or mirror url I can use. Thanks, oh I got your link ok.

Excellent blog! I actually love how it’s easy on my eyes and the information are well written. I am wondering how I might be notified whenever a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your rss feed which need to do the trick! Have a nice day!

Is there a program that spins comments to replace words with supposed synonyms?

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What in the world are they talking about?

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Turn your face to the sun and the dark areas fall in back of you.

Who knows what happens next… All I know is: If you can see this, you’re not blind, which is a very good start. 

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If you can’t decide which spam comment template to use, why not throw them all into one comment?

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Did you know spammers get spammed?

Great Blog! I have a similar site, and get a lot of spam. Do you face such problems? Can you please recommend some steps I take to combat spam. <spam link>

Do you agree this one takes the cake? And I have so many amazing posts, this almost-miracle happens a lot.

This post is so amazing, I almost spontaneously conceived a child just from reading it. Just incredible.

Share your own favorite funny spam in comments. I will check Akismet to retrieve the legitimate comments.

photo credit: johnhope14

What I Learned from Laughter

What do a paralyzed woman, a hospital stretcher without rails, two nurses’ aides more worried about their jobs than their patient, and a trip across a pot-holed parking lot have in common? They’re the elements of my entry in this month’s groupwrite project at Middle Zone Musings on the topic of What I Learned from Laughter. Robert Hruzek is accepting new posts or links to old posts as long as the post is something funny.

I don’t usually write funny, but a couple of years ago I hosted a group writing project: It’s Funny Now, But Then …

My entry is MZMs WILF this month is my entry in that group writing project from the past.

It’s Funny NOW, But Then … It Was Frightening: MRI Horror Story describes an incident that happened when I was in the hospital immediately following a stroke. Today, I look back on the incident and laugh. At the time it occurred, though, it wasn’t so funny.

photo credit: dionhinchcliffe

It’s Funny NOW, But Then … It Was Frightening: MRI Horror Story

I tend to write about my stroke often for two reasons:

1. That one incident dramatically changed my life forever.
2. After fifteen years, I have the perspective of time and experience to see the lessons – and in this case the humor – that I couldn’t see at the time and that I may not see in my present circumstances.

This post is part of the group writing project: It’s Funny NOW, But Then …

Recently, I was chatting on the phone with a friend who had a stroke about a year ago. I have encouraged her by sharing my own experiences with her. She started laughing on the phone and said she just thought about the story I told about my MRI.

Back then, the hospital I was in did not have an MRI machine but used a machine that traveled from hospital to hospital in a trailer, sort of like a bookmobile except an MRI machine replaced the books. The MRI was due at the hospital a couple of days after I was admitted, so my doctor scheduled an appointment.

Two nurses’ aides showed up in my room with a gurney. I couldn’t do anything for myself at that point, and as heavy as I am, it took several people to transfer my dead-weight body from the bed to the gurney. The aides called for help and when help finally arrived, they transferred me to the stretcher. The other two people left, and the aides prepared to transport me to the MRI.

Oh, no,” cried one. “There’s no rails or safety belts on this stretcher. We can’t take her outside through the parking lot on this.”

“We don’t have time to change,” said the other. “You know how long it took to get help to put her on this one. We’ll be in big trouble if we’re late for the appointment. They schedule those appointments so close together, it’ll throw the schedule off for the whole day.”

“We’ll be in more trouble if she falls off on the way over.”

They debated back and forth for several minutes about whether they would be in more trouble if they spent the time to get more help or if they risked taking me outside on a gurney with no safety equipment. They never mentioned anything about the effects on me – only the trouble they would be in. I wanted to remind them that they were supposed to be concerned about the safety of their patient, but I still couldn’t communicate well enough to participate in the conversation. Finally, they decided the risk to them was less if they didn’t waste any more time.

So off we went, with the aides positioned in the way they thought would be best to catch me if I started falling. Through the door, bumping into the frame, down the hall, onto the elevator, down several floors, through the lobby, and out into a parking lot –a parking filled with potholes.

As we bounced along, the aides kept up a running conversation.

“Watch out!”

“Hold her – there’s a big one coming up.”

“I sure hope she doesn’t fall off.”

Although I couldn’t communicate, I certainly agreed with that sentiment!

Finally we made it through the first parking lot, across the street, and to the far end of the second parking lot where the MRI machine awaited us. I can’t really describe what it looked like, because I was flat on my back unable to see much except what was right in front of me. The MRI technician and the aides had to lift me a short distance into the machine … and then the pounding started.

If you’ve ever had an MRI of any kind, you know what I mean. Since then, I’ve had MRIs of various parts of my body, and I can assure you that a brain MRI is by far the most unpleasant. I’ve never been claustrophobic, but that experience just about made me that way. I couldn’t see anything, and the walls seemed to be closing in on me. Pounding, reverberation, clanging, rattling, banging … I thought it would never end.

Eventually, however, it did end, and it was time for the trip back to the hospital. As they lowered me from the MRI-mobile, I expected to land on a stretcher equipped for safety. After all, I’d been inside that metal cylinder being bombarded on all sides for nearly an hour, surely enough time for the aides to exchange the unsafe flat table on wheels with a gurney with side rails or safety belts … preferably both.

But no. As they started pushing me back across the parking lot, the two women continued the conversation as if there had been no interruption. About halfway across the lot, though, something changed. It started to rain!

“Oh, the pavement’s getting slippery.”

“Careful! She almost bounced off on that pothole.”

“Look, she’s getting all wet.”

“We can fix that.” The aide pulled the sheet that covered my body a little higher and covered my head.

“At least she won’t get too wet that way.”

“Yeah, but we’ll still in trouble if she bounces off when we hit these potholes.”

I lay there, covered from head to toe with a rain-soaked sheet, listening to the aides’ worries – not about me, but about getting in trouble – and praying for this to end soon.

The chatter of the two aides had distracted me from any other sounds in the parking lot, but after we crossed the street and were back in the main parking lot, I heard other voices.

“Oh, my gosh! Look – they’re carrying a dead body through the parking lot!”

“That poor lady.”

“Shh. Show a little respect. Stand still and be quiet till they get the body inside the hospital.”

Bouncing over potholes, hearing I might fall off the gurney, the horrendous noises, the claustrophobia in the MRI machine … all paled when I realized I wasn’t dead!

Although I said a prayer of thanksgiving that I was alive, the whole experience had been traumatic. Only after a couple of years did I begin to see the humor. Now all my husband has to do is pull the covers over my head and say “That poor lady” to get us both giggling like teenagers. The incident became one of the best scenes in my novel Stroke of Luck. I’ve laughed over the story with friends more times than I count.

It’s funny now, but then … it wasn’t!

Group Writing Project: It’s Funny NOW, But Then …

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

- Lord Byron (English Poet)

In a recent conversation, a friend reminded me of an incident that had been frightening when it happened but now seems hilarious. We all have those experiences that are frightening or embarrassing at the time, but, when seen through the perspective of time, become funny.

I decided to post about the experience my friend and I shared a laugh over. Then I thought it would be fun to hear other bloggers’ “It’s funny NOW, but then …” stories, so I came up with a group writing project.

• Write a post about something that you can laugh about today but that didn’t seem humorous at the time.
• Link to this post and notify me in a comment or e-mail so I can include your post in the roundup of all the entries.
  
• Deadline is midnight Central time on Tuesday, September 4^th.
  

You can write about something that happened at home, school, work … anywhere. As long as you can look back on the situation and find the humor that you couldn’t see before, it’s fair game. I’m looking forward to some good laughs.

Take time to laugh – it is the music of the soul.

- From an old English prayer