Like most people, I’ve experienced plenty of rejection.
Here are a few examples:
- When I was in college, I was engaged - for a short time - to a guy who told me when one of his buddies saw me for the first time, the buddy said, “That’s the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” At the end of the semester, my fiancé decided we should be free to date other people during the summer because he wanted to have fun back in his hometown.
- At the end of my first week on the job as an employment counselor, my boss asked me for a report I was supposed to have turned in. When I answered that I’d never heard anything about such a report and didn’t know how to prepare it, he answered, “I had things running pretty smooth around here, and you’re so stupid, you’re destroying my smooth operation.”
- After I finished my first novel, Stroke of Luck, and started submitting it to agents and publishers, I was told over and over again - even to my face as I sat in a wheelchair, “No one wants to read about a cripple.”
- In my interior landscape business and in my network marketing business, more prospects rejected me than did business with me.
However, the rejections weren’t the end of the story:
- While my erstwhile fiancé was enjoying his summer of freedom to date the girls in his hometown, I met Jack on my summer job. When we returned to school, my old flame was ready to put the engagement ring back on my finger, but by that time I was wearing Jack’s ring. We were married the following summer and have lived happily ever after - for more than forty years.
- As I learned the job with the employment commission, my boss decided that, rather than being the stupidest person around as he thought, I was the smartest. Of course, it didn’t necessarily make me popular with my coworkers when he said, “Why can’t you do your job like Mrs. Ammann?” But I felt vindicated when I received outstanding performance evaluations - from that supervisor and the ones that succeeded him.
- After I’d given up on Stroke of Luck ever being published, I found a publisher who was actually looking for books with handicapped characters. Though sales of the book have been modest, I’ve had some wonderful reviews, and, more importantly, have heard from readers that they or someone they loved found encouragement in the story.
- My interior landscape business grew to become one of the three largest in the area, and I eventually sold it to a national corporation. I earned some nice extra income in the network marketing business and have experienced health improvement from the products.
So, what have I learned from rejection?
- Rejection by one individual represents only that person’s opinion. My husband didn’t see the same “ugly woman” my college fiancé rejected. He saw me with different eyes.
- Rejection isn’t permanent. My boss with the employment commission came to judge me on my performance, not on his first impression.
- One YES can make up for a lot of NOs. No matter how many publishers rejected my story, it took only one acceptance to get the book published.
- Success is a numbers game. All of us will face rejection many times in our lives. If we pick ourselves up after each rejection and try again, we will succeed. Failure is quitting, giving up, believing the rejections. Success is moving forward (no matter how slowly), getting back up when we fall, and never letting the naysayers have the final word.
Related Posts:
Every “No” Is Just One Step Closer to a “Yes”
Rejection: Your Baby Is Ugly!
This post is a part of Middle Zone Musing’s What I Learned From … group writing project.
Technorati Tags: rejection, group writing project, What I Learned From
Oh, Lillie, what a wonderful post! Especially lesson #3 - that’s the the whole pie right there. No matter how many “no’s” we get, all it takes is one “yes” to put us right back on top again!
“Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“Yes, you’re hired.”
“Yes, we want you to speak at our function.”
“Yes”… you ARE somebody!
It’s like the “law of the attaboy” (you know, how 1,000 attaboys can be erased by one single “oops”?) in reverse!
(… hey, this center-justification is weird!)
Thanks, Robert.
Yeah, I know the center-justified is weird. I could say I’m just trying to keep you centered … but the truth is I can’t figure out how to fix it.
Lillie,
What an inspiring post! Your words have much wisdom - you are a woman who has truly experienced and most certainly lived life. Your words are those to remember and live by for those of us who are less experienced! Thank you for sharing yet again!
Have a lovely weekend!
Lisa
Thank you, Lisa.
Re: experience - I’m reminded of the story of the young man who visited the wise old man to seek his advice.
“How can I avoid making mistakes?” he asked.
The wise old man answered, “Experience.”
The young man asked, “How do it get experience?”
“By making mistakes.”
I’m truly inspired after reading this and feel as if it was a “breath of fresh air!”
Thank you for the lesson on rejection and the positive aspects that can come from it.
Among the greatest advice I’ve ever received is:
“Accept rejection and move on.”
It has carried me far, and your entire post is going to carry me even further
You have blessed me today!
Smiles,
Michele
I’m so glad my words blessed you, Michele! That is why I love sharing with my readers.
Lillian:
I really enjoyed your post today! What an inspiration! Thanks for sharing your personal experiences. Like you, I’ve been through rejection. You’re right - the rejections we get are only the opinion of certain individuals who have been proven wrong time and time again. They are only human…they don’t necessarily know what they’re doing or saying.
Very, very nice job! It was quite inspiring. Thanks.
Stephen,
I know you have experienced and overcome a lot of rejection to create your inspiring life.
Lillie, I also found this inspiring, and a very powerful piece of writing.
I guess to some extent dealing with rejection means knowing our own self-worth. I wonder if it also means not getting too carried away with positive feedback and recognition - to recognise that it’s not a measure of true worth in the same way that rejection doesn’t mean we’re worth-less. At the end of the day we’ve got to find a way to feel it, know it, value it in ourselves. Maybe?
Joanna
PS I love the idea that your centre-justified comments are keeping us centred! Maybe that’s why you can’t switch them off
Joanna,
That’s a great observation that we should look at postive feedback in the same light as negative. It’s easy to believe that people who say nice things about us are exeedingly brilliant and perceptive, but those who say bad things are exceedingly ignorant and oblivious.
Hi Lillie,
Maybe I’ll be able to use your post to get me past the fear of rejection. I think that’s what’s holding me back in my business. Or maybe it’s fear of success.
Anyway, the next time I receive a rejection I’ll try to keep your thoughts in mind.
Thanks!
Theda,
I hope my words help you get past your fear of rejection. I think many people have both a fear of rejection and a fear of success. Staying in our comfort zone is much easier than change … but we can’t experience of rewards of growth without risking both rejection and success.
Lillie,
What wonderful–and inspiring–advice! Thanks so much for sharing it! Rejection can be one of the most difficult things we’ll ever have to face in our entire lives, because it strikes at the core of who we are, painting a negative picture of our value as individuals.
Yet, if we can learn that what we perceive as rejection–as well as what is, in fact, rejection–often results from the rejecting individual’s own shortcomings and just as often from the differing needs of the person or entity that refuses what we have to offer, we can better see the situation objectively and will then be less likely to take rejection to heart.
We’ll realize that that person or company’s assessment of us has nothing at all to do with our actual value and may also have little to do with the true value of our work. Also, as you insighfully point out, impulsive people, who insult or reject us before they’ve had a chance to get to know us, often change their minds about us later.
Excellent post!
Jeanne
Thanks, Jeanne, for your insightful comments.
Hi Lillie, your post is very inspiring. You’ve spelled out what it means to make lemonade when life hands you some lemons. Thanks for a really great response to Bob’s challenge.
Thank you, Robyn. I’m glad you appreciate the post.
Inspirational,powerful - the true Lillie spirit I admire so much. I had a lot of that rejection myself, quite recently I’d like to add. But, as you, I find that every NO is one step closer to a yes. Nothing happens without a reason, and God shows us the way to yes with every NO… if that makes any sense.
Michaela,
Your comment that God shows us the way to yes with every NO is an excellent point. Often a NO leads to something better in the future.
Great advice, Lillie. You’re right, rejection is never the end of the story unless we let it be the end.
Thanks, Amy. You make a great point that we are in control of whether rejection is the end of the story or not.
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Lillie,
Thank you so much for this wonderfully written piece. I’m going to keep it handy for those post-rejection moments when I need to toss off the funk.
Cheers,
Mike
Mike,
We all need a little reminder of the truths we already know in those post-rejection moments. It’s natural to fall into a little funk when we experience rejection, but if we get over it quickly we don’t let it stop us.
What an inspirational post! Thank you for sharing. It reminds me that there is something good in just about everything, even if we can’t see it.
You’re so right, Brad. When we’re experiencing something like rejection, we can see only the bad. But later, we can look back and see the good. Sometimes the very best things in our lives would never have happened if they had not been preceded by something we thought was really bad at the time.
Love this one!
I’m glad you like it, Karen.
Keeping me ‘centered’ - bwa-ha-ha-ha! Good one, Lillie!
Or maybe keep you in the “middle zone”…
I definitely agree with your comment of “All of us will face rejection many times in our lives”. Each rejection should be considerd to be a lesson, you can usually learn from it and improve or at least avoid it happening in the exact same way again.
Our lives are determined not by the circumstances, such as rejection, but by how we respond to those circumstances. You’re right that rejection can be a valuable learning experience.
You should set up a virtual office and teach other people too how to handle such situations, especially people with a handicap because sometimes it is very hard for them to adapt to a new environment where everybody is against them. I have worked with handicaped people because that’s my field of work and I want to congratulate you for your strong iron will.
I hope my blog and my novel (Stroke of Luck is about a handicapped woman) help others deal with their situations.
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