Alzheimer’s Do’s and Don’ts

Introduction from Lillie: This article by my associate, Beverly Ellison, is the follow-up to her post: The Gift: Becoming Primary Caregiver for Mom with Alzheimer’s .

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It has taken me longer than I planned to get back with you to share my experience with the “Do’s and Don’ts” of caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s Disease (AD). To those of you whom I have not responded to yet, please know that I will.

One of the things I’ve learned is that life—as unpredictable as it is under normal circumstances—becomes even more unpredictable when we become caregivers. I have learned to live one day at a time, to take time whenever I can and to adjust to what each day brings. I make my plans, keeping in mind that they could change at a moment’s notice if my Mom has a need that has to be met.

Because her short-term memory is gone, Mom can no longer “plan ahead.” So when she or an assisted living staff member tells me she needs something, she needs it NOW. I can be on my way home, to Bible Study, or to meet a friend for dinner when I get the notice. This means that I will either be late, miss Bible Study, or reschedule my dinner plans (depending on the situation) in order to meet Mom’s need(s). I try to stay ahead of the game, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I’ve learned accept it and to live with it because I know it’s going to happen.

On to the “Do’s and Don’ts.” Bear in mind that there is no scientific approach to my list. Everything I am sharing with you was learned—sometimes painfully—by trial and error.

DO …	DON’T …
-  pray for wisdom regarding your loved one’s care.	- make a decision before you pray about it.
- assure your loved one that you want to help them.	- make your loved one feel that s/he is a burden to you.
- spend quality time with your loved one.	- neglect your loved one.
-  be patient with your loved one.	- be in a hurry.
- establish and adhere to a consistent routine.	- make frequent changes to their daily activities.
-  think of fun ways to deal with repetitiveness.	- exhibit frustration or irritability.
- keep your loved one involved in activities they enjoy.	- isolate your loved one.
- arrange regular visits with close relatives and friends.	- keep them away from those they know and love.
- encourage as much independence as possible.	- take away activities they can safely do for themselves.
- agree with your loved one … even when they’re wrong.	- argue with your loved one; s/he will soon forget.
- make regular doctor visits with your loved one.	- neglect the importance of their health and wellness.
- realize that they will say things that will hurt you.	- become defensive; remember, it’s part the disease.
- seek legal advice to protect your loved one’s interests.	- make important decisions without professional advice.
- keep accurate records of your loved one’s finances.	­- neglect documentation of all income and expenses.
- ask for help when you need it.	- try to do it all yourself.
- take care of yourself!	- ignore the need for periodic respite.

I hope you find these “Do’s and Don’ts” helpful. Every experience with Alzheimer’s Disease is different because AD affects different people in different ways. So please feel free to share because we can all learn from each other. The more we learn, the more precious the “gift.”

God bless you!!  God bless America!!! 

Beverly Ellison <><

The Gift: Becoming Primary Caregiver for Mom with Alzheimer’s

Introduction from Lillie: This is the first post from my associate, Beverly Ellison. You can look forward to more posts from Beverly in the future.

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Chances are many of you who are reading this have been impacted by Alzheimer’s Disease (AD). As our society continues to age, AD will continue to make itself known. My 91-year-old mother was diagnosed six years ago.

AD affects people in different ways. In my mother’s case, this mysterious disease has taken away her short-term memory, but that’s okay—that’s why I’m here. AD has changed our lives—my Mom’s, of course, as well as my husband’s (Carl) and mine.

I am primary caregiver for my Mom, yet when I was gifted (yes, gifted) with this responsibility, none of us was prepared. My Mom left her home one day for a short stay in the hospital as the result of a fall at her home (no broken bones!). When she was dismissed, she came home with Carl and me; she never returned home to live. Understandably, she resented it.

The first several months were challenging for all of us, but over time, with God’s help and the love and support of my husband (my Mom’s “son” as she calls him), things progressively got better. My mother lived with us for nearly three and a half years. She has resided in an assisted living facility for nearly three years now, and she enjoys it very much.

What an amazing transformation—for all of us—in the six years since Mom’s diagnosis! My Mom, like me, is by nature an introvert. As long as I’ve known her, she has been an introvert and was always very shy. As a direct result of AD, she exhibits the behavior of an extrovert, and is having the time of her life! She dances—I never knew she could! She sings—I never knew she could do that, either! She and I have so much fun together sitting and talking, running errands, watching a good movie together, and  going to church together, to name a few.

Taking care of my Mom and spending this cherished time with her has created a closeness we never knew before. We laugh and joke all the time. We’ve even made a game out of the loss of her short-term memory. When she asks the same question every few minutes, I respond in a way that makes her laugh and laugh and laugh. I love to hear her laugh! Why, I think that because of her and my naturally extroverted husband, I am becoming an extrovert, too!

So, you see, taking care of my Mom truly is a gift!

Next Tuesday, September 21, is World Alzheimer’s Day. Lillie will have a post on that day, then I’ll be back next Thursday  soon with some do’s and don’ts for dealing with people with AD. Stay tuned; I’ll tell you more in a few days!

Until then,

God bless you!! God bless America!!!

Beverly Ellison <><