I Love to Write Day 2011

Today marks the tenth observance of I Love to Write Day. The official website lists a number of suggested activities for the day.

I can think of no better activity for I Love to Write Day than simply to write! Start your novel, meet your quota for NaNoWriMo, compile a blog post, pen a letter, compose a poem or essay or short story, write something from your heart.

It is said that an individual has to write a million words before he or she is a skilled writer. Today is a great day to write a few of those million words.

photo credit: juliejordanscott

International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church

Today is International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Christians in the US need to stand up for our freedom of worship and stop the erosion of respect for Christian faith in the country. Unless we vigorously work to keep our freedoms, we will lose them.

But we are still free. Praise God! Let us remember the many Christians around the world who do not enjoy freedom of religion, the faithful who are tortured and killed for their faith. Read the stories of persecuted Christians at One with Them and pray for them, not only today but always.

O GOD, merciful Father, who despisest not the sighing of a contrite heart, nor the desire of such as are sorrowful; Mercifully assist our prayers which we make before thee on behalf of persecuted Christians in their troubles and adversities, whensoever and wheresoever they are oppressed, and graciously hear us, that those evils which the craft and subtilty of the devil or man worketh against them, may, by thy good providence, be brought to nought; that thy servants, being hurt by no persecutions, may evermore give thanks unto thee in thy holy Church; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Adapted from the 1928 Book of Common Prayer)

photo credit: bigbirdz

Veterans Day 2011: Thanks to Vets and Help for Combat PTSD

Veterans Day, November 11, is set aside to honor veterans and thank them for their service to our country. There are 101 ways you can thank a veteran—be sure to show your gratitude today to the veterans in your life.

In war, soldiers go through trauma most of us cannot imagine. We shouldn’t be surprised to realize that a significant percentage of veterans suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder, which many people experience after trauma. You can find no better way to say “thank you” to a vet with PTSD than to guide them toward help.

I was privileged to edit I Always Sit with My Back to the Wall: Managing Traumatic Stress and Combat PTSD by Dr. Harry A. Croft and Rev. Dr. Chrys Parker. Dr. Croft is a psychiatrist and veteran Army doctor who has evaluated more than 6000 veterans and warriors for PTSD as well as being an internationally recognized expert on trauma. Chaplain Parker is a noted trauma therapist, academic educator, and military instructor who has worked with more than 2500 trauma survivors and trained nearly 5000 personnel, including US forces in Iraq, on trauma therapy.

The book is a conversation between Drs. Croft and Parker showing veterans and their families how to manage PTSD and combat trauma through the R-E-C-O-V-E-R approach: 1) Recognizing when PTSD is in your life. 2) Educating yourself about PTSD. 3) Connecting biology to your psychology. 4) Organizing a comprehensive care plan for PTSD. 5) Viewing your issues in a new light. 6) Empowering yourself through strong systems of support. 7) Redefining the meaning of your life: posttraumatic growth.

You can read my review of the book on Goodreads.

The authors have created a website for veterans and their loved ones to use in conjunction with the book. They describe the meaning of “I Always Sit with My Back to the Wall”:

If you have found this site, or have been led here by someone you know or love, it’s because you already know what it means to live your life with your back to the wall, and your eye on the exit. Whether you are in your own home, at the grocery store, at a party, or eating in a restaurant, you bend over backwards to adapt one inconvenient fact: your eyes are in front of your head. Since nature failed to equip you with a “rear view mirror”, you make sure both your “flanks” are protected by standing or sitting in the farthest corner of the room, where NOTHING will come up on you from behind, or by surprise. Have we got this right so far? Unfortunately, those two walls that intersect to form the corner behind you also form exactly 1/2 of an emotional and sensory prison. We’d like to help you stage a jailbreak. Here’s a powerful thought: if all that is behind you is a protective wall, that means that ALL OF LIFE, AND ALL OF IT’S POTENTIAL, IS IN FRONT OF YOU. You can’t retreat any farther than you already have, can you? There is nowhere to go, but forward. Your possibilities are limitless if you know what steps to slowly and gently take, and where to focus that hyper-vigilant vision of yours. We will help show you how.

I especially appreciate the emphasis on spirituality in I Always Sit with My Back to the Wall. The authors recognize that PTSD affects the body, the mind, and the spirit and address all these important areas.

A book I recently reviewed, Breaking the Code, will also be of interest to veterans and their families, especially those who have experienced PTSD. I interviewed author Karen Fisher-Alaniz earlier today.

Our veterans from earlier wars are aging and dying. Before You Go is a tribute to aging veterans. The video below is the version for Vietnam War veterans as that is the war of my youth. There are also is a version for World War II and Korea veterans.

Author Interview: Karen Fisher-Alaniz

My guest today is Karen Fisher-Alaniz, author of Breaking the Code: A Father’s Secret, a Daughter’s Journey, and the Question That Changed Everything . I met Karen several years ago through her blog and have been interested in her book long before it was even accepted for publication. You can read my review of Breaking the Code in an earlier post.

Lillie: Welcome to A Writer’s Words, An Editor’s Eye, Karen. I’m delighted that your book is finally available. Your journey began on your father’s eighty-first birthday. Tell us what happened.

Karen: Thank you for having me, Lillie. More than 50 years after WWII, my father, a WWII veteran, had started watching graphic war movies and reading piles of WWII books. He also seemed depressed. I’d tried asking him questions about it, but to no avail. Then, on his 81^st birthday, he put two old notebooks on my lap. They were full of more than 400 pages of letters he’d written during the war.

Lillie: What is “the question that changed everything”?

Karen: Oh boy. That’s a hard one. There are a lot of questions in the book. I was always asking my father questions. I wanted to know more. But he was experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, symptoms of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder. So, I walked a fine line—wanting to know, but not wanting to push him too far. I don’t think I can choose one question that changed everything—it just depends on how you think about it. And I’m finding that people who are reading the book have great ideas about what the question is too—so, my own view is evolving.

Lillie: I’m glad to know I didn’t miss one specific question. There were so many important ones, I kept trying to figure out which was the one that changed everything. Breaking the Code is so much more than a memoir. As I said in my review, it is a story of relationships with a historical perspective of World War II that our generation never experienced, and it offers insight into PTSD. Yet it reads like a mystery novel. How did you incorporate all that into a book that can easily be read in a few hours?

Karen: The first fiction series I ever read was by James Patterson. The one thing I was in awe of was that with every chapter, something happened that made you want to read the next one. I’d find myself, past my bedtime, saying, “OK, just one more chapter.” I love books like that. I love books that when I am a few chapters from the end, I’m thinking, I don’t want this experience to end. So, it was quite consciously that I set out to create a memoir like that.

I also took a screenwriting class and applied some of those techniques to my book writing. In screenwriting, each scene has its own mini-story. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. So, I tried to do that. I was very fortunate that my editor at Sourcebooks, Peter Lynch, thinks like that too. So, when I lost that focus in some chapters, he gently guided me back to it. A good editor is priceless!

Lillie: I certainly agree on you about the value of a good editor. An author does not produce a great book entirely on her own. Writers like to say that “everyone” should read their book, but we know that the more closely authors define their target audience, the more successful they are. Describe your ideal reader—the person who would benefit the most from reading your book.

Karen: You are so right. And when you’ve put all that you have into a book, it does seem that “everyone” will want to read it. The best way to avoid this thinking and really hone in on who your audience is, is to think about who will not read your book. For me, I thought about groups of people, like children, teens, and young adults. I have kids in those age groups and couldn’t imagine them just going into a store and picking up my book to buy. Those audiences are also not big buyers of books like mine.

When I visited my publisher in Chicago, one of the marketing people asked a really important question. He said, “Who are the first 1,000 people who will buy your book?” Of course, I started with my family and my friends. And then he asked, “And then who?” After that, he asked, “After the first 1,000 people, who will buy your book?” That really got it down to the people I really felt needed my book in their hands: baby-boomers like me followed by military families.

Of course, that is the main focus, but it can still branch out from there. For example, my own son, who is sixteen, really surprised me. He started reading Breaking the Code for his English and history classes. He came home raving about it; he said that it’s like reading a history book that reads like a really good novel.

Lillie: What is the most important thing you want readers to take away from Breaking the Code?

Karen: That everyone has a story and every story matters. Everyone has someone in their circle of family or friends who has stories to tell. Maybe you’ve heard portions of their stories all your life, or maybe you’ve just had a hint at them. Whatever the case, none of us are promised tomorrow. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me a bit about their loved one and then said, “They’re gone now. I wish I’d written those stories down.” And it’s so true. We’re waiting for the perfect time—when the kids are grown or when life isn’t so crazy. But time can run out and for some, their stories will be gone forever. I like to say of family history writing, “If not you, who? If not now, when?”

And for veterans, the message is that telling your story can be healing. When we share our stories, we honor each other. For veterans with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, the message is to create an Intentional Time of Remembrance—a time to remember. There are more details about it in the book and how we did it with Dad.

Lillie: I recognize my own family in the common lament you hear. My grandfather, who died when I was 12, was a cowboy and told marvelous stories of his experiences on the cattle trail. My parents and aunts and uncles thought they would always remember the stories they heard so often, yet just a few years after his death, all the stories were lost. That’s one reason I helped my mother and my mother-in-law write their own stories—not for publication, but for the family—and also wrote Preserving Memories: How to Write a Family History to help other families tell their own stories.

With Breaking the Code, you’ve really been on two journeys—the first to learn your father’s secrets and help him overcome his PTSD symptoms and the second to publish the book. Will you share a little about your publishing journey?

Karen: Ah, where do I start? I think I start with what every writer understands—rejection! I had plenty of rejections with Breaking the Code. It was a difficult sell for some, but I always believed in the story. I believed that when the timing was right, the perfect publisher would be there. And that’s what happened. I met my editor at a writer’s conference. If you want to be a published writer, you have to become a student of the whole process from the nitty-gritty of writing to the whole publishing industry. Education, persistence, and belief in your own abilities—those are the keys to success.

Lillie: Where can readers learn more about you and your books?

Karen:  My website, http://www.storymatters2.com is the hub for my writing life. At the bottom of the welcome page, you’ll find a list of places you can purchase my book. When I developed my website, I did something that is not recommended—I always seem to be doing that (Ha!). I created a whole website around this particular book, not just around me as a writer.

Lillie: I know you have come to believe that everyone has a story to share, and you are encouraging others to write their own stories. Tell us about Story Matters.

Karen: StoryMatters2 is my website. A WWII veteran recently told me that he has a story too, but no one has ever asked. So, I added a forum for sharing your stories—but it’s not just for veterans. My ultimate goal is to begin a story-telling revolution! Wouldn’t that be fabulous? I mean, just imagine if everyone told someone just one story. What if each story was written down? It’s time for us to talk to each other, and this is particularly true of our elders. Don’t let them pass through your life without telling their story. So, my website is a place to begin. I want to hear veteran stories, of course. But I also want to hear your stories about almost anything—nostalgia, childhood memories, and life experiences. I want my website to be a gathering place where people can share their stories and others can join in the conversation.

Lillie: November is National Lifewriting Month, so your message is timely in two ways: Today is Veterans Day, and your book honors your father and other veterans, and we’re talking about writing memoirs and family histories during the month dedicated to doing just that. Is there anything I’ve failed to ask that you would like to share with my readers?

Karen: Don’t give up. Don’t give up on the book you’ve written. Don’t give up on your loved one who seems to want to tell their story but can’t seem to get the words out. Give yourself, give others—the gift of time.

Lillie: Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing about your journey and your book with my readers. They will probably have more questions for you. Will you check in during the day to respond to comments and answer questions?

Karen: Absolutely!

Lillie: If you have questions for Karen, leave a comment below.

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Karen Fisher-Alaniz is a writer and author. She has written freelance articles for regional and teen magazines. Her work has appeared in anthologies such as Chicken Soup for the Soul II and Voices of Multiple Sclerosis. She lives in her family in the Pacific Northwest.

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Month. According to the US Department of Human Services Administration for Children and Families, the month is

set aside each year to raise awareness about the adoption of children and youth from foster care. This year’s National Adoption Month initiative targets adoption professionals by focusing on ways to recruit and retain parents for the 107,000 children and youth in foster care waiting for adoptive families.

The issue of adoption is very important to me for two reasons:

1. As parents, Jack and I adopted our son at age 11.
2. As a passionate advocate for life, I want loving homes for children who are allowed to live through their birth rather than being killed in the womb.

We adopted our son more than three decades ago after years of being unable to have children of our own. Like most parents, we wanted a baby, but adoptable babies were scarce and still are. Millions of babies are murdered each year, while families desperate to have children remain childless. “Unwanted” babies may not be wanted by their birth parents, but they are wanted by parents who would love and care for them.

On the other hand, older children languish in foster care crying to be part of a family while parents looking for children never consider them because they aren’t newborns.

Older children can be extremely difficult because of their experiences during the early, formative years of their lives. Often, they have been removed from abusive or neglectful homes. Many have been bounced from foster home to foster home year after year. Educators may give them little attention. The children may have disabilities, physical and mental. They find it hard to love and accept love because they have been rejected so often in their young lives they have given up believing anyone will ever care for them. They may have been born with fetal alcohol syndrome or addiction to drugs their mothers took during pregnancy. Most likely, they will have low expectations about their own futures.

No, adopting an older child is not easy. It can be stressful and heartbreaking. I don’t talk about our experiences out of respect for the privacy of our son, who went through some difficult times but is doing well now.

Sometimes everything works out from the beginning, and the children adjust well. Other children end up in prison or on the streets in spite of their adoptive parents’ love and best efforts.

But what a blessing when a child who has been in all kinds of trouble through his teenage and early adult years turns his life around—gives up drugs and alcohol, gets a steady job, and marries. Without a loving family from whatever age he was adopted, that responsible adult might be in prison for life, homeless, or even dead from substance abuse or gang violence. Knowing your adult child is self-supporting and happy makes all the pain and heartache worthwhile.

There were few adoption and parenting resources available for us when we adopted our son. After the legal process was over, we were on our own, with no guidance on how to deal with the issues that had developed in the first eleven years of his life. I’m so glad to see so many resources available now to help adoptive parents understand what to expect and know how to best deal with problems that arise. If you want a child or children, consider adopting an older child who has been in foster care. Do your research and find the information you need about how to adopt and parenting after adoption.

Jack and I and our son would have all benefited from our having more information.

And from the other side of adoption, I encourage pregnant women who, for whatever reason, feel they can’t care for a baby to carry the baby to term and allow your baby life with a loving family through adoption. No, that’s not easy, either. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to carry a baby for nine months, then hand the child over to someone else. But it’s the most loving thing a mother can do if she doesn’t want the baby or can’t care for the child. Your baby and the adoptive parents will be blessed, and you can know that you have been the source of great happiness for other people.

You may not be a prospective adoptive parent or a birth mother, but you can share adoption information with anyone you know in either category. You can thank birth mothers who gave babies up for adoption and adoptive parents who made a good home for a child in foster care. You can raise awareness about adoption and thereby contribute to bringing children and parents together.

photo credit: tiswango

November is Lifewriting Month

In addition to being National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), November is National Lifewriting Month. Although you aren’t likely to find lifewriting in the dictionary, you can probably guess its meaning–writing about life, specifically memoir and family history.

I encourage everyone to write their own or their family’s life stories. In my ebook, Preserving Memories: How to Write a  Family History, I say:

After my father died, my mother became very depressed and withdrawn. I convinced her to attend a writing conference with me by telling her I didn’t want to stay in the hotel alone. She attended one conference session — a seminar on writing essays. She wanted to try her hand at an essay but couldn’t decide on a topic, so I suggested she write about our trip. After that successful attempt, my siblings and I encouraged her to write about her own life.

She wrote what she called her “stories” in longhand on notebook paper. I transcribed them, making only minor corrections in her spelling, punctuation, and grammar. I scanned family photos and added them in appropriate places. We printed the stories on my computer printer and inserted the pages in loose-leaf binders so she could give a book to each of her adult children for Christmas; each year after that, she wrote more stories to add to the book.

These stories quickly became cherished family treasures. Teenaged grandchildren put aside video games to read their parents’ copies of their grandmother’s memoirs. Siblings pointed to stories and asked each other, “Did you know that?” Family members shared laughter and tears when the stories were given as gifts, and now, years after my mother died, those loose-leaf binders filled with family stories have become treasured legacies, possibly even more valued than money or property.

The same can be true for you. Your personal memoirs or your family history can be the greatest treasure you can leave your family because you’re sharing your life and yourself.

A memoir or family history doesn’t have to be a published book to be meaningful. It can be typed in a word processor, recorded on a tape recorder, captured in a video, or assembled in a scrapbook.

Denis Ledoux, author of Turning Memories Into Memoirs: A Handbook for Writing Lifestories and originator of National Lifewriting Month, shares tips for getting started on your memoir in the article November Celebrates Memoir Writing.

A memoir or family history may seem like an overwhelming project, but Preserving Memories helps you break it down into manageable tasks so you, too, can leave your loved ones a precious legacy: your life story or the story of your family.

Have you done any lifewriting? If not, why not give it a try during National Lifewriting Month?

National Alzheimer’s Awareness Month & National Caregivers Month

November is National Alzheimer’s Disease Awareness Month and National Caregivers Month.

If you are a caregiver for an Alzheimer’s patient (or know one you’d like to help), I’d like to recommend a helpful book. The author Nancy Nicholson, in addition to being my sister, is a social work consultant with experience working with Alzheimer’s patients as well as personal experience as a caregiver for our father. Help! What Do I Do Now?: Caring for Your Loved One with Alzheimer’s is short and easy-to-read but packed with useful tips.

The video below shows the willing sacrifice of an Alzheimer’s caregiver, representative of millions of caregivers around the world.

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