Memories of My Father
June 20, 2010 by Lillie
Today on Father’s Day, I’m remembering my father. He’s been in Heaven for 15 years now, but I still miss him.
He was born on a farm near the small town of Dilley, Texas, and lived there his entire life except for the time he served in the Army and the time he spent in a nursing home at the end of his life.
He met my mother when he was stationed in Utah during World War II. She followed him to Texas, far away from home and family, and gave up her Mormon religion to join him as a member of the Methodist Church. They raised six children with little money but plenty of love, faith, hard work, and commitment. Their lives revolved around their children, and they set excellent examples as Christian parents, friends, and neighbors.
Daddy had a great sense of humor, and I loved the mischievous grin he sported so often.
Although he had only a high school education, Daddy was one of the smartest people I’ve ever met and was a whiz at math. He could work any problem in his head, but he couldn’t tell you how he arrived at the answer. As a kid, I used to test him by asking him to solve a problem and checking his answer on a calculator. Daddy always answered before the calculator processed the problem, and his answer was always right. When I asked him how he knew the answer, he said, “That’s just what it is.”
He prided himself on being independent and self-sufficient. To provide for his family, he worked for the post office in addition to running the farm. He grew our food—produce from the garden and meat from the livestock—and could repair anything with a little baling wire or duct tape.
One Sunday morning, Mama found Daddy standing in front of the mirror in the bedroom holding his tie and looking confused. He couldn’t remember how to tie a tie, though he had worn a tie to church every Sunday for decades. Then he was presiding as commander of the American Legion and became lost and didn’t know what he was doing. Those were the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease. After he suffered a heart attack on Father’s Day, the Alzheimer’s accelerated dramatically.
We watched this once bright, independent, and happy man deteriorate mentally and physically over the next seven years. My mother cared for him at home with the help of paid caregivers, my sisters, nieces and nephews, and me. Finally it reached the point that he required more care than could be provided at home, and he had to go to a nursing home. The nearest facility that could accommodate his needs was about an hour away For the last few months of his life, he lay in a bed—unable to control his bodily functions, unable to communicate, and unable to recognize loved ones.
He loved his farm and his cattle and had always wanted to die in the same place he was born. When the nursing staff notified us the end was near—probably within a few hours, my mother, sisters, and I rushed to the nursing home. One of my sisters and her husband had a van with a wheelchair lift for my niece. We strapped Daddy into a wheelchair and loaded him in the van to drive to the farm, praying all the way that he would live long enough to die on his beloved farm.
When we arrived at the farm, he fought my brother-in-law and nephews when they carried him into the house. He had the look in his eyes of a trapped animal, a look of fear that had been in his eyes for years. We got him into the house and into bed in my parents’ bedroom, which had windows all around the two outside walls.
My mother, sisters, nephews and nieces, and I took turns sitting with Daddy. We held his hand. We told him we loved him. We described what we saw outside the windows—the fields, the cattle, the sunshine. We let him know that he would never be alone. Gradually that trapped animal look left his eyes, and his eyes and face filled with a beautiful look of incredible peace.
We brought him home from the nursing home on a Tuesday morning, and he was still living Friday evening. The last time I sat with him, I said, “Daddy, we love you, and we’ll miss you when you go. But you’ve done your life’s work, and it’s time for you to go home to Heaven. You don’t have to worry about Mama. We’ll take good care of her just like you’ve taken good care of her and all of us. We’ll always miss you, and we’ll always love you.” I continued in that vein for quite a while.
In the very early hours of the next morning, he slipped away quietly and went home to the Lord.
Happy Father’s Day, Daddy. I miss you!
I shared memories of my mother on Mother’s Day and memories of both of my parents on the fifth anniversary of my mother’s death.
Everybody misses their loved ones specially if you have a day completely dedicated to them and they’re not with you. My prayers are with you and your father may his soul rest in peace.
Rachael,
Thank you for your prayers.
A beautiful tribute to your father. Mine quit high school early, too (it was a different time back then, wasn’t it?). But he had a brilliant mind and could figure all sorts of things.
Thanks for sharing.
Vicki,
Intelligence doesn’t always correlate with education. Many people with little education are very intelligent—like our fathers!
Your post of your memories of your father is so touching. I almost cried while reading. What a very nice way of remembering your dad on Father’s Day.
Elizabeth,
Thank you for the lovely compliment. Writers love to know when we’ve touched someone’s emotions.
Oh Lillie – This is beautiful. Being with your father when he was dying and giving him the gift of those precious words is one of the most important things you can do for a person.
When I was in nursing, many of the patients had alzheimers. And many of the relatives didn’t visit often – I guess they thought there was no point as they thought they wouldn’t recognise them.
It’s a shame because many of the alzheimers patients would shift from the now, back to childhood and often they would recognise folk. And as horrid as alzheimers is, I liked to think that maybe they were in happy places most of the time and that the their minds would take them back to times where there were few worries and life was easier.
Cath,
At least in the earlier stages, I know Daddy was more aware than we realized. After we brought him home from the hospital after his heart attack, he seemed to be in another world—hallucinating and talking about things that didn’t exist and totally ignoring the conversation around him. My siblings and I were talking with our mother and saying things like we have to get some help to figure out what to do. We had called the neurologist’s office for an appointment, but we hadn’t got a return call. So we decided that we would just show up at the office and beg the doctor to see us. The doctor’s office was about 100 miles away from the farm. That night, everyone else left, and I was staying with Daddy and Mama. I heard him moving around about 2 AM and went into their bedroom to see what he needed. He asked, “Is it time to go to the doctor?” We were flabbergasted because we thought he was totally oblivious to our conversation. After that, we were very careful that we never talked about him in front of him. (Yes, we did get him in to see the doctor and got some helpful advice.)
I related a little to this kind of situation when I had the stroke. My mind was perfectly fine, but I couldn’t communicate. The doctors didn’t know if my cognitive abilities were impaired and treated me as if they were. It was so frustrating!
Wow, what a great story and collection of moments concerning your father. I very much appreciated the old photos that were posted as well. They added a tangible aspect to your post that would have been lost other wise. Big thanks for such a great post!
I’m glad you enjoyed the post and the photos, Chris.
Lillie, I didn’t get notified about this blog post until today.
I’m sorry. I try to be there for people who didn’t have their fathers with them on Father’s Day. Mine lives in another state and I have not seen him for 3 years because it is too far for me to travel and costs too much, to boot. This was a very touching tribute you wrote about your daddy and made me very tearful. I’m so glad you knew the right things to say to him before he passed on. It was like God giving you the right words to say.
Dawn,
I’m sure God gave me the words to say because I would never have come up with the idea in my own mind to tell my father it was time for him to go. But it seemed that was just what he needed to hear, because it was only a few hours after I spoke those words that he went to heaven.
Indeed a very touching story. What a beautiful memory you have for your father. An example of a truly wonderful and God-fearing father.
If only more people willing believe that living in God’s way pays much more than running on the avenue that the world offers….
Rafall @Relationship Advice for All recently posted..Sexual Intimacy – Is Your Relationship Ready for That?
Rafall,
I was very blessed to grow up in a home with God fearing parents who chose God’s ways over the world’s ways.
This article has reminded the beautiful memories about my father. Thanks for the post.
Issac recently posted..Basics of Unsecured Personal Loans
Isaac,
I’m glad the post brought back good memories of your own father.
Lillie, what a beautiful tribute to your Dad. I was so moved by your family’s loving way of managing his passage from this life. I love all of your posts but your family stories are among my favorites. Your parents’ legacy of faith and love is so evident in you. God bless you Lillie and thank you for blessing us with your wonderful memories.
Karen Swim recently posted..Community, Inspiration and The Muse
Karen,
My family has given me much to say because of their wonderful examples and the loving way they lived. I love to write about them and am glad you like to read about them.
This is so touching Lillie. What a beautiful tribute you wrote here. I’m sure your Daddy’s always looking down here on you
.
Thank you, Jane. I’m sure Daddy is looking down on me.
People today rarely stay in one place long enough to do anything.
Bluestocking recently posted..A Poser
Bluestocking,
It’s pretty amazing that Daddy lived on the same farm for all but about four years of his 75-year life.
What a touching post! It’s very beautiful that you have such great memories with your father! Unfortunately i don’t have many memories with my father.
Jenny,
I’m sorry you don’t have many wonderful memories of your father.
I love looking at old pictures of my parents. It’s amazing to see how them when they were my age and how you can tell what features came from each side. I’m sure your father and all the other fathers out there know much they are loved and appreciated not just on father’s day but every day.
Randy,
It is fun to look at old photos and see where we got our features—some from each parent.
it is sad to see one of our relatives gone.
i remember my grandma when i was a little even it’s been so hard to communicate with her because we used a different language even she is always scold at me.
thing made me sad she was treat unwell by my uncle at his house. they never cared about her.
it is a very sad day when she’s gone i couldn’t be by her side for the last time.
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xander,
It’s sad that your grandmother is gone. It’s even sadder that she wasn’t treated well in your uncle’s house.
Well your mother and father are the only in this world who can understand you more that yourself they watch over us and protect us from all the things which are not suitable for us they pray for us for their children and we can never successful in our life without our parents pray.
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jimmy,
We certainly do need our parents’ prayers as well as their love and care.
Its a tribute to your father.I can feel your emotions towards your father because my mother also passed away few years back and I really miss her every moment.God bless you.Be happy.
Ryan,
We all share the same kind of sorrow when we lose a parent. God bless you, also.
I lost my father when I was 4, about 18 years ago. It was so difficult, my mum managed to raise me up, all by herself. It was hard on me, because I barely get to know him.
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Sarah,
It’s hard to lose a parent at any time, but I’m sure it’s harder as a small child. At age 4, you probably didn’t understand what happened—just knew that your father was no longer there. Kudos to your mom for raising you alone. It must have been difficult for both of you.
Its good that you honor your father this way, im glad people are still proud of their fathers.
Santiago,
I had a father worthy of pride in his children.
I love this article you have clearly describe your father how he is being smart,a good provider to you by
running the farm and produce food from your garden and meat from the livestock
verharth,
I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
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