What I Learned from a Colorful Character: Eliminate This Word
March 4, 2010 by Lillie
Today I’m combining my response to the Blog Challenge for Words Matter Week with my entry in the What I Learned from Colorful Characters groupwrite project.
You see, I’ve been married to a colorful character for nearly 43 years. I’ve laughed every day, and I haven’t been bored a single minute. Jack is smart, funny, opinionated, assertive, upbeat, tenacious, independent, determined, self-confident, perfectionistic, and unconventional.
Recently, all the waitresses in the restaurant gathered around the cash register to listen to Jack’s silly banter as he paid for our meal. One of them said, “Y’all have to come back more often to entertain us and keep us from getting bored.”
This week, the election worker who set up the voting machines for us told Jack, “Hey, I remember you from the last election. Glad to see you again.”
Whether we’re at the bank, the grocery store, or the dry cleaners—if Jack has been there before, someone remembers him and smiles.
When I had a stroke, he took care of me and did all the things I couldn’t do for myself. More importantly, he had the attitude that recovery was the only option. Regardless of what it took, it was just a matter of time before I would be well again. “The improbable can be done immediately,” he said. “But the impossible takes just a little bit longer.”
If I ever say, “I can’t,” he responds, “Eliminate that word from your vocabulary!”
At age 77, he’s slowing down a little, but the word can’t still isn’t in his vocabulary.
Which brings me to Words Matter Week’s Blog Challenge. Each day of the week, the Words Matter blog posts a question and encourages readers to post the response to the question on their own blog. Today’s question is this:
If you had to eliminate one word or phrase from the English language, what would it be? Why?
Jack, my colorful character, taught me the answer to that question, both by words and actions.
I would eliminate the word cannot (can’t) because we are all capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for, and we tend to accomplish what we expect to accomplish. As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.”
Thanks to Jack, I’ve accomplished far more than I ever expected. Most of all, I’ve enjoyed the journey filled with love and laughter.
I’m very grateful that in the world are such people who make us smile. If I were to eliminate a word from the vocabulary, it will be: sadness. It’s important to see the positive side of things, and to trust that it will be better.
Mia,
Even when people are sad, they can look on the positive side and have hope for things to be better in the future. Sometimes being sad can help us appreciate happiness more when it returns. There are times that we should be sad, for example, when we lose loved ones. Though as a Christian, I know they are in a better place and I will join them someday, I still am sad to miss their companionship here on earth.
May you loan to me your word…can’t/cannot? My mindset has been anchored on pessimism that it is difficult to change it. I am battling against it. And guess what…I CAN beat it.
Yes, Ron, you CAN beat it! You’re welcome to share our word.
A wonderful lesson from a great man, Lillie! I’m glad you’ve had a cheering squad with you throughout your trial periods, fun periods, and just-plain-everyday periods – it makes things so much easier and entertaining, don’t it?
A tip o’ the hat to you and Jack! (and thanks for the WILF entry!)
.-= Robert Hruzek´s last blog ..A Bubba Named Hollis =-.
Thanks, Robert. I know you’ve been blessed with Mrs. MZM as I have with Jack.
Knock on the wood but so nice man he is. Its not so natural to see so much of binding in every relation. Though I am young but would like to see myself having the same relation with my spouse.
.-= Den´s last blog ..Travel Business looks promising for Home Based Business =-.
Den,
I wish you the same kind of relationship with your spouse that Jack and I have. The first key is to be wise in choosing your spouse, then be totally committed to the marriage.
Great post! I think I would like Jack!
.-= Dominique´s last blog ..Why 4Walls and A View? =-.
Thanks, Dominique. If you like people with a good sense of humor, you’ll certainly like Jack.
Lillie, your colorful character sounds like a wonderful man and your description had me smiling as I’m sure I would if I were in the presence of you two.My mother always told me never say you can’t but that you’ll try. I needed the reminder today, thank you.
Karen,
I’m glad the post made you smile, and I’m glad to hear your mother taught you a similar philosophy.
Wow. I really enjoyed this post. It made me smile. Thanks for making my day.
.-= Deb S´s last blog ..Break through your fears and Blast Off to a new life =-.
Deb,
I’m delighted the post made you smile. As you can imagine, I do that a lot.
That’s exactly what my father used to say to me when I was little. Whenever I was hurt, or crying, because I had to do something I couldn’t, and told him that, he used to say, “There is no such thing as “I can’t do” “. He also used to call me “my little president” too, instead of “princess” as most usual fathers do, but that’s a whole other story.
)
When I was little, I hated him. You know, as kids do. Now I thank him with all my heart. Because of him I am more resilient and stronger than most of my friends in most matters (like jobs and relationships), can stand up for myself and really, truly believe in myself and my own capacities.
Jenny,
Your father gave you a great gift in teaching you to avoid saying “I can’t” and another in calling you his little president.
Such a sweet blog post and what a wonderful picture! I enjoyed reading this entry. You are very blessed to be married to such a wonderful man. Here’s wishing the both of you many more years of happiness and laughter. God bless!
Thank you, Dawn. We are truly blessed.
Oppression. That is one word I wish had no meaning, thereby meaning the act did not exist. Humanity would be united and no longer had an oppressed nor oppressor.
Your post was a wonderful compliment to your hubby. I too have such a wonderfully, supportive spouse and find it hard not to laugh every day!
He is my biggest fan!
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Progress is Exhiliarating =-.
Lisa,
I agree with you that I wish there were no oppression.
I’m glad you have a hubby like mine. We are blessed.
Lillie, 43 yrs of happy marriage is astounding and I wish it prevails forever. Kudos, you are inspirational magnum for everyone. I would like to remove the word “impossible”
very similar on your lines. That generates positive vibe and keeps us on the move. what do you think?
.-= Alan@Tulsa Real Estate´s last blog ..Rate Hikes for Electricity Possible =-.
Alan,
I realize how blessed we are.
Impossible is another good candidate for the word to eliminate.
[...] What I Learned From a Colorful Character: Eliminate This Word, by Lillie Ammann at A Writer’s Words, an Editor’s Eye [...]
I just had to add my congratulations to you and Jack for being together so long and still loving it ( and each other!).
He sounds like just the sort of guy to have around to keep spirits high and entertain anyone who crosses his path.
Lovely post, Lillie.
Thanks, Jackie. You have Jack pegged!
What a heartwarming story! Everyone should be so lucky!
.-= Mark Dykeman´s last blog ..Thoughts from Michael Bungay Stanier of Box of Crayons =-.
Thanks, Mark. I realize how blessed I am.
Good article. In fact, the mental attitude of “I Can” is a trigger of willpower and introduces profound changes in a person’s life. According to some ancient traditions, this attitude also attracts situations that help us move forward.
Daniel,
A positive, can-do attitude certainly makes a difference.
Wow. I sure hope my marriage can last that long. This is really great advice for us. Thanks again.
Faren,
I recognize how blessed we are and wish you the same blessing of a long marriage.
You are so blessed for having a “colorful character” in your life. He seems like a very wonderful man, who reminds me of my very own partner, who’s also very funny and never fails to lift my spirits up when I need it the most.
Charisse,
I’m glad you’re blessed with your own “colorful character.”
I’m always inspired by stories from people who have managed to have a long, successful marriage. It gives me hope that someday I might find my “Jack” and experience the joy of sharing my life with someone special. Congratulations to you both!
This post has also reminded me of the need to remove “can’t” from my vocabulary and my thinking process. I grew up hearing my grandmother tell me to never say “can’t.” Unfortunately, I’ve forgotten this valuable advice over the years and was badly in need of a reminder.
Your blog is both inspiring and a joy to read. I’ll be bookmarking it so I can check back often to find more great advice. Keep up the good work.
Ven@Reviews, Advice, & Opinions by Ven recently posted..Moral Dilemma: What Would You Do?
Ven,
I hope you find your own “Jack.” Maybe eliminating that word “can’t” will help!
Jack sounds like a great guy! Just as studies have shown that music has a definite effect on a persons’ feelings and moods I’m sure that language does too.
Keep your language positive and your thoughts will follow.
Jake @ Hypnosis recently posted..The Ultimate Self Hypnosis Script Book!
Jake,
I think everything we surround ourselves with, including music, radio/TV/movies, other people, language, and more, have an effect—good or bad—on our attitudes.
I hope everyone of us will eliminate the word – never. Thanks for reminding us how blessed we are despite the difficult times we have gone through and facing right now.
John,
Never and can’t belong together far away from civilized society.
You and Jack are blessed to have each other Lillie. If I were to eliminate one word from the English language, it would be “negative”. We should always look on the brighter side of things and erase any negative thoughts that may cloud our minds.
Jane,
Yes, we are very blessed to have each other. Negative is closely related to can’t–both are good words to eliminate.
if i would eliminate a word..it cud be: evil and negative…^_^
scarlet,
Evil and negative are good words to eliminate—if you could eliminate what they mean and there was no more evil and negativity in the world.
Hi, Lillie.
I’ve been reading your Advent posts, and came across this one after the reading today. It was a real blessing to me. We’ve been going through a valley lately, and eliminating the word cannot/can’t sounds like a winner. After all, I CAN do all things through Christ who is my strength!
Thanks!
Janet
Janet,
It’s great to hear from you and to know that this message was a blessing to you. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us!
Lillie,
Your husband sounds alot like mine–a talker! People always warm up to him and he can talk to anyone- no problem. He has a million stories he can tell and is very confident with himself. I think something I would eliminate would be the phrase “not good enough.” I have struggled with this phrase myself. I always think I’m not as good as other writers and I CAN’T do it. Well, like your husband, mine tells me over and over that I CAN do it and that I should believe in myself more. What a different world this would look like if people took chances even if they were worried they weren’t “good enough.”
Helen,
It sounds like you and I are both blessed when it comes to husbands!
Hi Lillie,
I agree ‘but’ would be my word of choice. Thanks Jack. Surrounding yourself with magical people in life is what it’s all about.
Karn,
The people we surround ourselves with do make a huge difference in how we live our lives.
I’ve always wanted to have these kind of personality. I do not have sense of humor and I’m a boring guys that is why most people do not remember me. But at home, I’m always the clown. Can’t understand why I can’t do it with other people especially with the girls.
Angel,
I don’t have that kind of personality myself, but I think there is one thing that may make a difference for you. If you are a clown at home, then you do have a sense of humor. It sounds like you’re nervous about people not appreciating your humor so you clam up in public. If you can think of the other person instead of yourself, you may become more outgoing. I was always very shy. What helped me was when I started looking for someone else who seemed ill at ease and set about to try to make them more comfortable. When I started thinking about the other person, I forgot about being worried how people were going to react to me.
Hi Lillie,
Interesting post and man I love that Henry Ford saying.
Thanks, Sam. The Henry Ford is a great one.
Being colorful can be part of one’s public relations strategy because it makes you memorable. There is a fine line between being colorful and just going for shock value. The latter will get old and make you memorable for the wrong reasons. I do agree with Robert on the authenticity issue.
Ross,
There is no calculation or strategy to my husband’s being a colorful character. He is just himself, naturally and delightfully colorful!
Nice article. One of the key ingredients to successful marriage is to have a strong, supportive and caring spouse.
Mulyadi@Successful Marriage recently posted..Daily meditation helps in marriage life
Mulyadi,
Well, I’ve certainly been blessed in my spouse!
[...] Forty-four years ago I walked down an improvised aisle on my parents’ enclosed back porch to meet my groom, my hero, my colorful character—Jack. [...]
Great article.Keep strong marriage is not easy but every one always want to reach it.
Haley,
A long and strong marriage requires commitment. Too many couples think they’ll give it a try and see if it works. A relationship won’t work unless both partners work on it.
Married for 43 years, now 44 years. All I can say is congratulations! During this time you must have experience highs (which are easy to take) and lows but still stood strong. You are my hero! If my hero’s eliminated word is “can’t” then thats my word too!
Thank you, Sam. Marriage takes strong commitment to keep going through the good and bad times.