Domestic Violence and You
October 30, 2009 by Lillie
Table of contents for Domestic Violence Awareness
As Domestic Violence Awareness Month comes to an end, I hope you have learned more about this serious problem. But, as one reader asked in a comment on an earlier post in this series, the question is this: What can we do?
Here are some suggestions on how you and I can help:
- Be aware: know what domestic violence is and understand the pervasiveness and seriousness of the problem.
- Know the signs of abuse and be alert for them in people you know.
- Take action if you see signs that make you suspect someone is being abuse.
- Find resources and more resources and even more resources.
- Join the Million Voices Campaign to help raise awareness and advocate for the cause.
- Contribute to organizations that work to raise awareness, prevent abuse, and support victims.
- Comment (with a relevant comment using a real name) on this or any post in this series by midnight Central time October 31, 2009, and I will donate $5 to the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH). Order a copy of Dream or Destiny, and I will donate another $5 to NDVH.
No one should live in fear or die at the hands of someone who is supposed to love them.
Definitely an important cause. It’s sort of a silent problem, in that it can often be hidden.
Helen
Straight From Hel
.-= Helen Ginger@writer editor´s last blog ..Should Books Make Sense? =-.
Helen,
Yes, it can often be hidden because the abuser systematically isolates the victim from friends and family. The woman may be both afraid and ashamed (though it’s not her fault) that they don’t let anyone know.
Just read your comment. The thing is that it is so terrible to read about that the victim is the one feeling ashamed. But I guess it they are ashamed of being treated they way they are, and not being able to defend themselves or seek help.
But it is really a very known problem, so there should be more help out there for those in need.
But I guess it’s the person that is the victim that should seek this help, if it is not seen by the family or friends. Unfortunately.
Bodil,
I think the abuse victim sometimes begins to feel ashamed because the abuser systematically blames her for his violence. He says if she was a better wife (for example), he wouldn’t have to punish her. She may also blame herself for poor judgment in choosing a husband. That’s one of the many difficult things to overcome in getting help.
Hi, Lillie,
I grew up in an abusive home. It was violent and terrifying. I wrote a poem called “The Other Room” and it talks about how we’d always run to another room when the beating or violence was happening and we could hear screaming and crying in that room. It was horrible. I promised myself that I would NEVER stay married to anyone so violent. Ever. Unfortunately, people who are in abusive marriages/relationships feel too scared to leave and often feel like they have nowhere to go. They think “this is how it is” but it should NOT have to be that way! There is help! Don’t be afraid to seek that help!
But we, on the outside, sometimes feel powerless. I know someone in an abusive marriage and she talks about how she’ll have nothing if she leaves her husband. At least she will be alive! I try to help her but…sometimes, there is only so much I can do. (Her husband bullied me for years, BTW.)
I bought the print copy of your book off Amazon. Yay!
Dawn,
I’m so sorry you had to endure that in your childhood. I feel so strongly about this, yet I’ve never been exposed to a real situation.
People have to make their own decisions. As you say, there is only so much you can do to help your friend. But with you continuing to give her support and being there to help her, she may eventually get the courage and motivation to leave. In my research, I learned that most victims who finally leave have tried before and ended up going back to the abuser several times.
Thanks for buying Dream or Destiny. I’ll send you the free e-book by e-mail.
Hi Lillie! After reading through your posts on this subject, I’d like to put in my two cents. I don’t necessarily think domestic abuse is more common in the Christian community than it is elsewhere. However, I do think that some Christian communities make it more difficult for the victim to leave, because there is often shame attached to a failed marriage – no matter the reason. We Christians believe in “till death do we part,” and we believe in keeping our vows. There is a verse in Malachi 2 that says God hates divorce.
What many don’t realize is that same passage in Malachi says that God hates it when a man covers himself and his spouse with violence.
Another overlooked part of scripture is that the same God who hates divorce is divorced! He divorced Himself from Israel (the Bible actually uses the term divorce) when Israel continually broke faith (was unfaithful) to Him. He later reconciled, after Israel repented. But He also divorced Judah, and never reconciled because Judah never repented. (See Jeremiah 3.)
So you see, there IS an appropriate time for divorce. I wish all in the Christian community could know that yes, in cases of abuse and unfaithfulness, God doesn’t want His daughters (or sons) to live in bondage.
Thanks for placing the spotlight on this important issue.
.-= renae brumbaugh´s last blog ..Old News =-.
Renae,
Thanks for your insightful comment. You make a good point that there isn’t more abuse among Christians, but it may be harder for Christian victims to leave their abusers. It’s tragic that people will distort and use anything—even the Bible—as an excuse for their wrongdoing.
Hi Lillie,
I am in the middle of an ugly divorce because of domestic abuse right now. I am at a loss at times to get through this it was so hard to move towards a divorce because I am a christian. I forever had lived in prayer that he would get help for himself. I finally learned this was not going to happen and am learning to look at divorce as the right thing to do. I still struggle with and pray for mercy for this action and the strength to get physically seperated from him now. Our whole family have been hurt by his actions through out our marriage and now he is still doing it through lies to the court. Please say a prayer often for all those in abusive marriages to get free of abuse. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to work on. As I have this energy loss so much of the time from being emotionally abused for so long and so do my sons. There are so many secretly hurting and crying about domestic violence each day.Pray for their lives to change and to be given support to get away and get free and live healthy and safe for once in their lives.
Peace, Love and Joy,
Diane
Diane,
My heart goes out to you, and I will pray for you.
O MERCIFUL God, and heavenly Father, who hast taught us in thy holy Word that thou dost not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men; Look with pity, we beseech thee, upon the sorrows of Diane and all thy servants who are victims of abuse. Remember them, O Lord, in mercy; give them the strength and courage to protect themselves and their families; comfort them with a sense of thy goodness; lift up thy countenance upon them, and give them peace; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Amen.
.-= renae brumbaugh´s last blog ..Old News =-.
Thank you, Renae.
I think it is very helpful for people to know the signs of abuse. Of course, you always see this type of storyline on TV, but when it happens in real life, you want to justify it so you don’t have to confront people.
C,
We usually find it hard to believe that someone we know is a victim or we may think we are over-reacting. It’s helpful to have some standards to compare the situation to.
Out of curiosity, when is an abuse considered as domestic violence? Is it only focused on wives being hurt by their husbands? Or does it happen to any female member in the family, considering that they’re being abused by of any of the men in their household?
Louise,
Domestic violence isn’t just directed at women. Sometimes the term is used specifically to refer to abuse by an intimate partner (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, same sex lover). It is true that there a higher rate of men abusing women than vice versa, but there are male victims of domestic violence at the hands of their wives or girlfriends. There is also a significant number of domestic violence situations against both genders involving same sex partners.
Sometimes the term domestic violence is used more generically to refer to abuse perpetrated within a household (including child abuse). This can be a traditional family or other groups of people living together in a household, whether or not they are related by blood or marriage.
The organizations dedicated to fighting domestic abuse usually are focused on abuse by intimate partners, and other organizations focus on child abuse. All manifestations of domestic violence are serious problems.
I really liked what you said about nobody should live in fear and they don’t have to. The hardest thing is getting help and once you do you will feel like a huge burden has been lifted off of your shoulders.
Rhonda,
I know it’s really hard for victims to take the first step, but they need to do it for their future security and happiness.
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate part.it involves physical harm,sexual assault and lot more.action should be taken against this issue as soon as possible.
.-= monika@Christian Counseling Dallas´s last blog ..Car payment by the loan lenders =-.
monika,
I think you probably meant this in your definition, but just to clarify, I think domestic violence happens in an intimate or very close relationship, such as family or intimate partner.
It wouldn’t be classified as domestic violence, for example, if a worker committed violence against those in a relationship of coworker with him. It would be a different kind of violence—workplace violence, but just as bad.
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