“Mommy. Can I have a donut?”

Mellis relaxed as she realized it was just her daughter wanting breakfast.

Thanks for trying. However, you apparently didn’t understand the purpose of the exercise. You wrote more narrative making a judgement on Judy’s actions. The purpose of the exercise was to turn “telling” into “showing.”

There are many ways this scene could be written, but this is an example of converting “showing” to “telling.”
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Judy flipped through her phone book, trying to decide who to call next. She’d already called the neighbors on both sides of her house and on both sides of the Robinsons’ house. Ah, Mary Lewis. Judy had seen Mary talking to Sue Robinson so the women must have at least a passing acquaintance.

She picked up the phone and dialed. When Mary answered, Judy identified herself and said, “Did you know that the Robinsons have filed bankruptcy? Apparently that new business of his didn’t work out very well.”
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From reading this, we understand Judy thinks she has to spread gossip to everyone, but it’s the context of a story and not narrative.

Hope that makes it clearer.

Thanks for participating!

she should control herself on this, it is not her duty anyway, she bypass other privacy, she should think first what will happen if she continue doing this.
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