Comments on: Show and Tell Exercises http://lillieammann.com/2009/08/21/show-and-tell-exercises/ A Writer's Words, An Editor's Eye Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:46:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: Lillie http://lillieammann.com/2009/08/21/show-and-tell-exercises/comment-page-1/#comment-40386 Lillie Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:13:48 +0000 http://lillieammann.com/?p=2991#comment-40386 Mark, Thanks for trying. However, you apparently didn't understand the purpose of the exercise. You wrote more narrative making a judgement on Judy's actions. The purpose of the exercise was to turn "telling" into "showing." There are many ways this scene could be written, but this is an example of converting "showing" to "telling." ========================= Judy flipped through her phone book, trying to decide who to call next. She'd already called the neighbors on both sides of her house and on both sides of the Robinsons' house. Ah, Mary Lewis. Judy had seen Mary talking to Sue Robinson so the women must have at least a passing acquaintance. She picked up the phone and dialed. When Mary answered, Judy identified herself and said, "Did you know that the Robinsons have filed bankruptcy? Apparently that new business of his didn't work out very well." ======================== From reading this, we understand Judy thinks she has to spread gossip to everyone, but it's the context of a story and not narrative. Hope that makes it clearer. Thanks for participating! Mark,

Thanks for trying. However, you apparently didn’t understand the purpose of the exercise. You wrote more narrative making a judgement on Judy’s actions. The purpose of the exercise was to turn “telling” into “showing.”

There are many ways this scene could be written, but this is an example of converting “showing” to “telling.”
=========================
Judy flipped through her phone book, trying to decide who to call next. She’d already called the neighbors on both sides of her house and on both sides of the Robinsons’ house. Ah, Mary Lewis. Judy had seen Mary talking to Sue Robinson so the women must have at least a passing acquaintance.

She picked up the phone and dialed. When Mary answered, Judy identified herself and said, “Did you know that the Robinsons have filed bankruptcy? Apparently that new business of his didn’t work out very well.”
========================

From reading this, we understand Judy thinks she has to spread gossip to everyone, but it’s the context of a story and not narrative.

Hope that makes it clearer.

Thanks for participating!

]]> By: Lillie http://lillieammann.com/2009/08/21/show-and-tell-exercises/comment-page-1/#comment-40385 Lillie Mon, 21 Sep 2009 03:07:14 +0000 http://lillieammann.com/?p=2991#comment-40385 Good job, Laura! I smell that cinnamon and want to taste those muffins. Good job, Laura! I smell that cinnamon and want to taste those muffins.

]]> By: mark88online http://lillieammann.com/2009/08/21/show-and-tell-exercises/comment-page-1/#comment-40371 mark88online Sun, 20 Sep 2009 12:14:46 +0000 http://lillieammann.com/?p=2991#comment-40371 Judy was a compulsive gossip. Whenever she heard anything about any the neighbors, she considered it her duty to tell everyone else in the neighborhood. she should control herself on this, it is not her duty anyway, she bypass other privacy, she should think first what will happen if she continue doing this. .-= mark88online´s last blog ..<a href="http://www.ottawaonlinemarketing.com/hello-world/">Home</a> =-. Judy was a compulsive gossip. Whenever she heard anything about any the neighbors, she considered it her duty to tell everyone else in the neighborhood.

she should control herself on this, it is not her duty anyway, she bypass other privacy, she should think first what will happen if she continue doing this.
.-= mark88online´s last blog ..Home =-.

]]> By: Laura http://lillieammann.com/2009/08/21/show-and-tell-exercises/comment-page-1/#comment-39547 Laura Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:48:28 +0000 http://lillieammann.com/?p=2991#comment-39547 #4 Sue wiped the last of the crumbs off the kitchen counter. Using a potholder, she removed the muffin tin from the oven, and set it next to the stack of dirty mixing bowls. She pushed aside the empty flour canister, and set out her last clean cooling rack. The others held stacks of burnt muffins from her earlier attempts to create the perfect snack for the office Christmas party. Sue inhaled the delicious aroma of cinnamon. If the muffins tasted as good as they smelled, she thought, they were sure to be a hit. #4
Sue wiped the last of the crumbs off the kitchen counter. Using a potholder, she removed the muffin tin from the oven, and set it next to the stack of dirty mixing bowls. She pushed aside the empty flour canister, and set out her last clean cooling rack. The others held stacks of burnt muffins from her earlier attempts to create the perfect snack for the office Christmas party.
Sue inhaled the delicious aroma of cinnamon. If the muffins tasted as good as they smelled, she thought, they were sure to be a hit.

]]> By: Lillie http://lillieammann.com/2009/08/21/show-and-tell-exercises/comment-page-1/#comment-39158 Lillie Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:40:33 +0000 http://lillieammann.com/?p=2991#comment-39158 Blake, You will find a lot of excellent writing sites on my <a href="http://lillieammann.com/resources/writers/">Resources for Writers page</a>. Some of them show writing prompts and some have forums. I suggest you explore some of them to find the ones that meet your needs. Blake,

You will find a lot of excellent writing sites on my Resources for Writers page. Some of them show writing prompts and some have forums. I suggest you explore some of them to find the ones that meet your needs.

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