Show and Tell
August 10, 2009 by Lillie
Fiction writers often hear show, don’t tell.
But I advise my clients to show and tell.
What does it mean to show or tell? When should you show and when should you tell?
You show in an action scene, like in a movie:
- An action scene takes place in real time.
- It takes place in a specific setting with specific characters.
- There is action—characters are talking or moving; something happens.
- Major action scenes involves conflict between two opposing forces; minor action scenes show character or give information important to the story.
- Action scenes involve the five senses: sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste.
You tell in narrative summary:
- Narrative telescopes time and events when nothing interesting or important happens.
- It can summarize repetitive action to give impact to one event (such as series of races).
- Narrative may include interior monologue.
Should you show or tell?
- You need to use both narrative summary and action scenes to vary the rhythm of the story. Too much action maintains such a high pace it exhausts the readers and doesn’t give them time to reflect. Too much narrative bores the reader and doesn’t give them the sense of what is important and what isn’t.
- Use narrative summary for events that are less important or interesting and for transitions.
- Use action scenes for major events.
- Like a child making a scene with a temper tantrum, make a scene (action) when you want to get your readers’ attention.
When I tell clients they are doing too much telling and not enough showing, they ask me how to change from telling to showing.
Let me give you an example. Before is all narrative summary.
Eleanor got into the car and put her packages onto the front seat. She was glad to be finished at the mall. She didn’t like crowds, but she had to buy Christmas presents for her family. She drove out of the parking lot and onto the street. When she was stopped at the traffic light, she heard a man’s voice from behind her seat. He told he had a gun and if she did what he said, she wouldn’t be hurt. He told her to turn right at the next intersection.
After is an action scene.
Eleanor juggled an armload of packages as she opened the car door. She tossed the bags to the far side of the car, breathing a sigh of relief that she’d passed up the glass figurine she’d considered for Sue. The blouse she’d ended up choosing was as unbreakable as the stuffed toys for her nieces and nephews.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Man, I hate crowds. When will I learn to get my Christmas shopping done early? If I could stand the disappointed looks on the kids’ faces, I wouldn’t even bother.
Vowing to take something for her headache and go straight to bed the minute she got door, Eleanor started the car and drove out of the parking lot. At the intersection of Bayles and Crockett, she stopped for a red light, massaging her temples as she waited for the light to change.
“Just do what I say. I’ve got a gun.”
Eleanor jerked her head up at the sound of a man’s voice coming from the back seat. Her hands trembled on the steering wheel as she told herself she’d fallen asleep and was in the middle of the nightmare. She started to look behind her.
“Don’t look at me! If you just do as you’re told, I won’t hurt you. But if you don’t …”
What he didn’t say frightened her more than what he did say. “Please don’t hurt me. I’ll do whatever you say.” Her voice quavered and tears threatened.
“The light’s green. Drive to the next intersection and turn right. And no funny business. Understand?”
If you do anything too often, it becomes boring and repetitive. I tell people that when they write, they need to be aware of all of the different writing techniques, words, and verbs they use and mix it up a little once and a while. It makes for a more compelling story.
You’re right, RW. Repeated patterns, words, scenes … all are boring.
Narrative is always useful if you are trying to speed along a lull in the writing, specifically something that does not have action to keep it moving.
C,
Good point. The experts who say “Show, don’t tell” lead some writers to think they have to have non-stop action. Using narrative to give the reader a chance to take a breath and to summarize events of lesser importance is a good technique.
Hello Lillie
Yeah there’s quite a difference between the after and before examples. I really like all your lessons so far, they’re definitely going to help me when I throw my ideas on to paper. I especially, for some reason, have always like when books have the person thinking to themselves in italics.
Thanks again for the great post!
Sean,
Thanks for letting me know the lessons are helpful. Interior monologue (in italics) lets the reader get inside the head of the character.
Lillie, this was very helpful and the examples were enlightening. It is so easy to believe you are varying the pace but your examples are so striking in how it improves the pace and flow of the story. Thank you so much for this right on time lesson!
Karen Swim @Marketing Consulting´s last blog ..Painting by Numbers
Karen,
My clients often have a difficult time understanding the difference between showing and telling. I’ve found the best way to help them understand is to re-write a scene like the examples above.
Lillie,
I enjoyed reading this. Your examples are perfect and spot-on. Thank you for discussing this. And I actually write about the “show, don’t tell” rule in my Revisions book.
Perhaps you might be able to comment on this in the book, or something else. Just let me know. Take care.
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Dawn,
I’m e-mailing you privately about your book.
Very good demonstration of the difference between showing and telling. A book can’t be totally showing, but it also shouldn’t be all telling. It’s good to understand how and when to use each.
Helen
Straight From Hel
Helen Ginger@writer editor´s last blog ..Best-Seller List Secrets
Helen,
The first draft of my first novel was total telling. I didn’t even have a single word of dialogue.
Then when I started learning about writing from conferences, books, etc., I tended to go overboard the other direction. It is a fine balance.
Story writing is an art. It can’t be just imbibed
Micro Niche Finder´s last blog ..DanielMolano.com Is A Website Where Businesses From Different Parts Of The World Meet
Micro (if you wrote Your Name @ Micro Niche Finder, I could address you as a real person, and you would still get your keyword link—I started to call you Daniel but changed my mind as you could be someone associated with DanielMolano.com and not Daniel),
You’re so right that storytelling is an art. The technical aspects of writing (grammar, style, etc.) are craft, but storytelling is pure art.
I really like the difference between your “before” and “after” passages. It really illustrates your point, and actually I got pretty drawn in to the “after” example and wanted to read more!
Jason,
Maybe I’ll have to use this example as the basis of a story or even a book.
I hope you find my novel Dream or Destiny just as compelling … and it’s available for sale.
Your example of show and tell is very good. It shows how much difference there is between so-so copy and copy that sells.
Jonathan,
My example was for fiction, but you’ve accurately pointed out that good writing applies to commercial copy as well as to fiction and nonfiction.
My POV may be different from others Lillie, but for me here in this context, the narrative part looked good since I’m reading this and not seeing this in a theater.
But, if it were in a movie, I wouldn’t like the story to be finished so soon. So the ‘show’ would be apt there.
Sriraj,
Interesting POV. You associate movies with being entertained, perhaps, and reading with gaining information.
Lillie, I’m totally agreed with your thoughts here. Please keep in our mind that the show and tell is actually a coherent process that need to be done together, but not separately!
Wilson,
You’re right—show and tell are done simultaneously and must work together.
This is a good take on show and tell, but sometimes movies do better just with showing while others just telling. I personally like telling better.
Doc,
I don’t think a movie (or a book) that was all telling would be very interesting, though depending on the genre, some are more telling and some more showing.
It’s always amusing to me to be reminded just how much thought goes into writing literature of most any kind. I’ve always found myself functioning by stream of consciousness, but then I don’t write novels or anything.
Ben,
If it were easy, anyone could write literature. Stream of consciousness is fine for the writer—it is often excellent for introspection and even therapy. However, it is usually boring and confusing and of little interest to readers.
Hi Lilie, it’s nice to bump into your web this evening (my part of world’s time). I’ve been into writing again after such a long hiatus and just got warmed up. I learnt so much from your article here. Honestly, I’m learning ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ technique. They told me so. However, what you said made me think twice now. What I need to know after reading your article is would you drop by to my blog and tell me what other techniques I still need to learn? I know this is too much, but I would really appreciate it if you would do this for me. Thanks so much, Lilie!
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kajoemanis,
Congratulations on getting back into writing. I’m glad you found the post useful.
Although I don’t have time to visit and critique your blog, I have subscribed to your feed and will leave comments if I have suggestions for you on future posts.
That was a very informative tip on when to show versus tell. There is a clear difference in the style, even though it describes the same sequence of events. As an amateur writer I will definitely apply this now that you’ve pointed it out to me.
John,
It’s much easier to understand show and tell with an example. As you say, the difference is obvious, but sometimes it’s hard to explain.
This is very interesting insight to writing.
I will implement some of your ideas in my articles.
Thanks for this post.
Marian,
I was thinking about fiction when I wrote this, but I’ve been surprised at the number of people who have seen the value of this in article writing and copywriting.
I want to read a story that pulls me into the middle of the action, making me a silent partner to the events unfolding around me. When a writer accomplishes this task, I’ll stay with the story to the very end.
A plodding plot kills me and I’d much rather toss the book than finish it. I admire authors who can find a good mix of action and narrative; when they balance the two then I’m likely to keep reading.
Matt Keegan´s last blog ..4 Reasons For Using Ordered Lists
Matt,
It’s not easy to find the right mix of action and narrative, but when the author does, it’s magic.
There are certain writers who have a particular pattern of writing, and they repeats the same manner in all their writings. That is boring.
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pan (if you wrote Your Name @ keywords, I could address you as a real person instead of whatever pan2588 is, and you would still get your keyword link—if pan2588 is a keyword),
Writers need to have variety in word choices, sentence structure, etc. However, I think it is a good thing for a writer to have a strong style, otherwise known as author voice. It just needs to be an engrossing voice, not a boring one.
Thank you for clarifying the line between showing and telling. Anyway, I like your points, showing and telling should go hand in hand. But isn’t it necessary sometimes to use the one and disregard the other?
your refrigerator´s last blog ..How to Get Answers from Tarot Card Reading
Your (if you wrote Your Name @ Your Refrigerator, I could address you as a real person instead of an appliance, and you would still get your keyword link),
I tried to explain when to use showing and when to use telling. Each has its place in a story, though there should usually be more showing than telling.
“You need to use both narrative summary and action scenes to vary the rhythm of the story.”
Variety in theme and attack helps retain audience’s attention and would not bore them. The story would become less predictable.
personal (if you wrote Your Name @ personal statement medical school, I could address you as a real person instead of a piece of writing, and you would still get your keyword link),
It’s easy for writers to fall into a predictable style of writing, and it’s hard work—but worth the effort—to create variety.
It was late in the evening when Melissa was walking alone along Sunset Blvd. The wind was picking up and she was getting cold. Soon after, a black cat jumped in front of her, startling Melissa. She started pacing herself until after thinking she heard footsteps nearby. Remembering the article she had read in the morning paper about a serial rapist, she was trying not to panic. Melissa kept affirming, “I’m okay and soon enough, I’ll be safe at home.”
Anna @ Against School Uniforms´s last blog ..Against School Uniforms
Anna,
This is a good attempt. The black cat startling her is excellent. You could make it even more active by changing the structure of some of the sentences and choice of verbs.
For example:
“It was late in the evening when Melissa was walking alone along Sunset Blvd.”
could be changed to be more active:
“Melissa walked alone along Sunset Blvd. late in the evening.”
Getting rid of “it” helps and changes “was walking” to “walked” makes the sentence stronger.
Thanks for participating. Good start.
The After scene is definitely better. The pacing of the story is not quick compared to Before, but readers can understand the story better. Plus, like what you said, the five senses are involved.
This is why novels are still better than flash fiction, IMO. ^_^
(FFs are easier to write though, haha!)
Louise,
Thanks for leaving comment #10,000 on my blog!
I haven’t read much flash fiction, and I’ve never tried to write any—probably too long-winded to be good at flash fiction.
Very good post, I agree with you that using both is the key, if there’s only action, yes you’re right anyone would be exhausted and now take it to real life examples. For instance, in school if students are only exposed to theory, they would be bored or lose their interest but if provided with some practical application, they’ll be much more interested in applying that theory. And if there’s too much practical application, they might want to relax down and listen to the theories. It’s important to keep a balance.
Lorren,
Thanks. Your analogy of students learning both theory and practical application is a good one.
Very suspenseful there at the end… I’d even go as far as nerve wrecking…
What happens next???
Mark,
I have no idea what happens next.
I just wrote the short scene as an example. Maybe I need to turn it into a story.
this is a nice post. sometimes i get a hard time between showing and telling. but you gave a very neat explanation. thanks i’m bookmarking your site btw
Matt@what attracts women to men´s last blog ..The 5 Personality Traits That Attracts Women
Thanks, Matt. I appreciate your bookmarking the site and am glad you found the post helpful.
Lillie, Nice work on show and tell.
Collaborative work is the name of the game
Peter,
I’m not quite sure what collaborative work has to do with showing and telling, but I appreciate the compliment.
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