Rejection: Your baby is ugly!
May 18, 2007 by Lillie
Maybe you’re an employee or a freelance writer assigned to write a company policy manual. Your employer says, “This is so confusing I don’t understand my own policies!”
Or you’re a multi-published author with a new book out. A major reviewer writes, “Don’t waste your money or your time on this disappointing effort.”
Or you’re an aspiring author trying to get your first novel published. The agent you’re sure is ideal to represent you returns your query letter with “NO” rubber-stamped across the top.
Or you’re a blogger working hard to deliver valuable content and build a community. Another blogger you respect advises you to “either learn how to connect with your readers or give up blogging.”
We’ve all felt the bitter sting of rejection. Someone who is supposed to be an excellent judge of beauty has said, “Your baby (manual, book, proposal, blog …) is ugly!”
How can you turn a negative rejection into a positive experience?
1. Allow yourself to feel disappointment, frustration, anger, resentment … whatever your initial reaction. Tell your cat or your spouse that so-called boss/reviewer/agent/blogger … whatever doesn’t know what s/he is talking about. Call them all the names you want to, but only to yourself, your pet, your spouse, or trusted friend. Don’t respond directly or vent to others about the rejection.
2. Inspire, motivate, encourage yourself. Watch inspirational videos such as The Race Movie and I Am With You Always. Read the Bible or an encouraging book, such as Hope Rising: Stories from the Ranch of Rescued Dreams or Get Out of That Pit: Straight Talk about God’s Deliverance
3. Realize that writing, critiquing, and rejection are subjective. One agent didn’t like your query letter, but the next agent you query may be excited about it. A scathing review can be offset by a complimentary one. Read Pushcart’s Complete Rotten Reviews & Rejections
I remember the first time I sent my baby, my first novel Stroke of Luck, out into the world. I submitted the first chapter to a contest and received three critiques. The first judge questioned how I could even think my story was a romance. The opening scene was in a hospital, the main character was handicapped, and it was altogether too depressing for anyone to want to read. The second judge said the story was not believable because the heroine was far too upbeat and positive for what she had gone through. She should be depressed, and there certainly shouldn’t be any humor in a story about such a tragic situation. The third judge informed me that I didn’t know what I was talking about. Her uncle had a stroke, and it wasn’t anything like I described, so I couldn’t possibly understand what it was like to have a stroke. Stroke of Luck is fiction, but the heroine’s stroke experiences and attitude are autobiographical. Yet contest judges were convinced the story wasn’t credible.
4. Evaluate the rejection to determine if there is useful information that can help you improve. If you’re talking to your employer about a policy manual, you can ask for more explanation about what’s wrong with the manual. You can’t get any more information from an agent who rubber-stamps “NO” on your query letter, but you can study Query Letters That Worked!: Real Queries That Landed $2K+ Writing Assignments and learn more about writing query letters. Look for a grain of truth in the criticism you receive, and if you find it, work to write better in the future.
5. Move forward. Make the revisions in the manual. Send the book to other reviewers who may be more positive. Query another agent or publisher. Write your next blog post. Don’t let rejection stop you.
We aren’t defined by rejection but by how we respond to rejection. All of us will hear “Your baby is ugly!” at some time, but we only fail if we start to believe it.
Related Posts:
Every “No” Is Just One Step Closer to a “Yes”
[tags]writing, rejection[/tags]
Hi Lillie
You’ve provided an excellent balance of reality and proactive strategies, plus lots of useful links and information. This post is a winner!
Thanks
Yvonne
Thanks, Yvonne. Dealing with rejection is something we all have to face, and writers face it more than most.
What an inspiring post Lillie! We can also apply these measures in every rejection that we face.
Writing truly is a very painful experience (at least for me) but in the end your passion and determination will surely pay off.
Alcohol Rehabilitation,
Your comment that writing is painful reminds me of the quote from sportswriter Red Smith: Writing is easy; just open up a vein and bleed.
[...] Related Post: Rejection: Your baby is ugly! [...]
Hello Lillie:
Your comments were very inspiring. As a novice writer, I’m hoping to have my manuscript published in the future. Thank you for the helpful advice.
I’ve recently “suffered” from such a disappointment and I didn’t know how to pass it by. Now, I know, thanks to your helpful tips. Thank you very much!
I’m glad these tips are helpful to you. We all face lots of painful rejection in our lives, but we can get past the pain.
Thanks for sharing such an inspirational post. I was thinking of creating my very first ebook but a bit hesitated thinking of the outcome, but now I think I will pursue it after reading your advice.
Major,
I’m glad you’re inspired to proceed with creating your first e-book. Best wishes for great success.
I think rejection can be used a way of constructive criticism. This is an opportunity to make yourself better and turn a weakness into a strength.
John,
It is always good to look at rejection and see how we can improve. In writing, that is often just sending the proposal to someone else simply because the manuscript doesn’t “meet the publisher’s needs at this time.” However, trying to make it better is always a good idea.
Rejection can be taken in two ways… as constructive criticism to make you strive to become better and achieve your goals… or the latter to make you want to pull your hair out and give up! Great post!
.-= Rhonda´s last blog ..Sick baby? When to seek medical attention – MayoClinic.com =-.
Rhonda,
You’re right, but you also have to evaluate the “constructive criticism” to determine if is of any value. Be open to other ideas for improvement, but don’t assume anyone who gives “constructive criticism” knows what they’re talking about.
[...] Rejection: Your baby is ugly! [...]
Rejection can be a very troubling issue. Many people don’t look beyond the initial rejection and feel defeated. If they learn how to cope with the issue at hand, then they would see what it’s like to conquer their rejections. These are some good tips that can help people get back to respecting what they do and who they are. I feel many people don’t respect themselves, does anyone else think this way?
Ryan,
It’s easy to focus on the negative and get depressed over rejection, especially if you lack self-confidence or self-respect.
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Patricia,
Good luck with your publishing goals!
Let me know if there are specific topics you would like me to write about. I plan to do one series each month in the coming year, and I want to focus on topics that will be most helpful.